status of the stadium. Frankly A. Whatsun, general chairperson, an nounced that the balance of the money needed for the stadium (around 1 1/2 million big ones) was being transfered from the Kinckawley .budget and that the plans for the stadium building has been redrawn * In order to get the money from the Kinckawley budget the mort gage had to be foreclosed. Accord ing to Fill Kursshhh, director of the center, the organizations* and clubs in the center have thirty -700 yards. Final score, Falco 78 ^ s *? remove ail their belongings and Penguins -32. Next week's then the Center will be demolished, scrimmage foe will be the New, "The mortgage was held by a York Philharmonic. , ^if (Cont on page 2) 'PRODUCTION TIME?The all administration production of "Chris Cowfield is Alive and Well and Living in Tod Hall" will be presented April t, 1977 in Kinckawley Center's single-purpose room. Playing throughout the day and into the night the production is a farcical view of life on Venus. Pictured above is the cast for the play, from, left, Hoof N. Mouth, P.F. Flyers, Red B. Jets, and Tom McKan. Department stolen Havoc broke out at Monday's Council meeting as disguised mem bers of the Geology -and Biology club, brandishing picks," shovels, and microscopes, attacked mem-. bers of Council's Budget Commit tee knocking them out of their seats and across the floor. Several veiled members of the Arab and Israeli organizations, who also took part in. the assault, began to quabble among them selves eventually ignoring the Budget Committee-,- and instead knocking each other across the flopr. The attack was incited by the committee's decision last month to cut the budgets for the 77-78 year of the Geology^and Biology clubs, and also tb;>reduce the amount usually allocated to the Arab and Israeli international organizations. Budget Committee member Tiny Quarry felt the clubs and organizations were particularly offended because they had not been invited to a decisive dinner- meeting at Quarry's home. "Every one hates to miss out on my Mom's fried chicken," declared Quarry. The Jumbler observed many frightened members of Student (Cont. on page 2) rom skateboard accident by ID. Ittt Sometime between 10 ajn. and 2 p.m. yesterday the YSU Security Department was stolen. The theft had been apparently made sometime before- anyone noticed. A student went in to ask for jumper cables and after "about five minutes realized he was talking to nobody. YSU President Chris Cowfield was asked to comment on what was being done to find Security. "Well, uh, we've called in the Youngstown Police Department and the National Guard so v/e can keep the peace on campus and we are doing everything in our powe. to find the lost department." Asked to explain the measures further Cowfield stated, "We have hired a private detective agency, Snooper and Drooper^a real fine company, to look for us. So far they haven't, come up anything." students said they saw some coffee cups behind the Dana Barn so we think the Security department is being held hostage somewhere around there. "We have a theory that a group of angry YSU alumni were, mad with .because they were lead to believe a YSU education would give them When questioned, the Snooper some sort of security on the out- ' and Drooper agency had this to side world and when they found say, "Duh, yea we got some real out the truth, decided to steal YSlJ's security in retaliation." Rape and Reason r Because of the recent rape am' ?attempted amulton two YSV Coeds It is our hope that you enjoy your stay in and around thi Campus area for the remainder o your academic career. When the lights came on, the audience begged for more, and Stanley would have given it. _ by Geena Salami Henry A.- Spor'ono, pesticide spray master and keeper of the grounds at YSU, is reported to be recovering satisfactorily from a freak skateboard accident which occured on campus during spring break. The Jumbler was unable to speak with him at his Northside penthouse, as he is laid up. How-; ever, his private nurse, Boom-Boom La Tuche, R.N., who answered, stressed that he was resting very nicely despite his traction. "I've really been keeping his spirits up," she giggled. In a further effort to piece together the accident, The Jumbler contacted Ray Boar-lando, director of the physical (plant), who gave this account. "Hank was minding his own business while trying out his new spray gun on the central" core when along came some hot shot kids on their skateboards. and Bun JBalgny The way they were twistin' and curving around the core, you'd swear they thought they owned, this campus. They were getting a little too close for comfort so. Hank threatened to spray them if they didn't move out. Boar-lando continued that as one of .the skateboards slipped from beneath a student irito mid air, Spor'ono raised his spray gun in self-defense., "As Hank raised the spray gun, the skateboard hit him and knocked him backwards slamming him into the.painted rock".explained Boar-lando. He "added that the spray gun.became loose and the liquid pesticide drenched the painted rock and the screeching Spor'ono. "You know that painted rock?" ; asked Boar-lando. "Well; there ain't any paint on it no more." In addition to broken bones, (Cont. on page 2) [arijiuana Mess Settled POT JEWELERY: YSU president Chris Cowfield (R) displayed a rare marijuiana pendant presented to him by YSU's new director of marijuana studies Dr. Robert Reefer.(L) At a Press conference held today, it was announced that YSU will become the legal world wide supplier of standard grade marijuana. . Dr. Robert Reefer, director of the university's new marijuana project, said they will supply uniformally cultivated, research samples of the weed for research centers sanctioned by the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the United Nations- (Coii't on try page 3) This is the Second Page YOUNGSTOWN STATE UNIVERSITY We still think this is Friday, April 1,1977 What the hell? Why don't we build a stadium on this campus? Nobody is looking at this situation objectively and there is too many derogatory statements being made. This university really needs a stadium, in fact this university needs.two stadiums, one for the day and one for the . We can get the money by instituting a mandatory stadium fee of $50 for every student when they register. We should all get behind the drive for the . Forget the academic quality of this place, nobody comes here for an education anyway. We don't need any housing'(let the students live in the streets. It works in Asia). We don't need any more parking (let them park in the streets. It works right now). We don't even need any more of those damn buildings. There are too many of them on campus as it is. We d cancel any new academic buildings and make it mandatory for all students to be present at all football games and track meets. We should also institute a poverty fund for all the poor football players on scholarships. It is so bad t our first string quarterback Clapp Shout has to work at the Kinckawley Center to make.his ends meet (yuk, yuk). Come on people, we know you don't have anything better to ^J^JBi0J^moneyisp give. To the Editor of TheJumbler: I am a new freshman and after I registered for Spring quarter I read that I have to take some of my classes in CAST. This bothers me. Why should I have to wear a CAST just to take a class? Nothing is broken on me and I am very allergic to plaster. Nonetheless, I am wandering around trying, to find a place to dash myself upon the rocks and break some thing, but the only rock I've seen so far is one with some kind of religious meaning attached to it. It keeps changing colors all the time. Perhaps when this is published I will be, Freshman Fractured Freddy Editor's note: The multicolored rock is a gift.from the Greeks and The Jumbler*s advice is to beware of it. Don't worry about a plaster CAST. Red Tape wrapped around your leg will suffice. Lauds administrators for fine job JUMBLER Chief-of-Staff Mack Bronze New Editor Patty Kake Spot Editor ... .Chon "Crazy Legs'*Cheer Copy Cat Editor Cherry "Bomb" Williams Entertaining Editor Kneel Whatkan To the Editor of the Jumbler: I just want to know why the Jumbler is so one sided all the time? All you ever hear is the bad side of things as if the admin- YOUNG ATTRACTIVE MALE looking for young attractive male to share one bed apartment and bubble-bath. Mustt Hke ^chiffon.- Contact Bruce ,at Twinkle Apart ments. istrators and others on this campus never do anything good? I think the staff is very biased and to one sided. Especially the way they always pick on the adininistrators like the President Staff Germs-1 Steve Fungas, Greg "Blondie" Gulash, Sharin LaBoheme Levi, William Rowing, Denise LLLLOyal, William Sneer, James "Shy boy"'Andous, Gina DiBiased, Stan Visor. Piecea Wowwow, Pog Tachometer, Bim Balony. Advertising: Meldoy Fiddledeedeefee, Scott Immoral Georgene Are. Stepanfetchit, Steve Fungas (Again), Darkroom Technician: Terry (tyakeout) Tumleftsky Phtographers.- Mark Finedabore, William Rowing. Compositors.- Bunny Tumleftsky* Frannie Ship-em-out, Katty Sellatke. Verityper: Rack Who Secretary.-Mildy MaCdougle The Jumbler offices are located somewhere on campus and can be d when the snow melts in the spring. Phone ext. ? Published whenever we get the y during the regular school year by the students of Youngstown State University, and under the auspicious eyes Also included in the . new plans is a facility reserved for after; game dinner parties and during the off season a restaurant* the "Rubber Room" named after YSU's chief football and other sports recruiter, Rocky Almond. President Cowfield also added about the stadium, "We feel that The Jumbler did a fine job in gauging the students' feelings so we decided to recon sider the students' opinions. The redesigned, stadium was a result." Building for the stadium will begin shortly. Since the stadium will take up the .bulk of parking" on campus nobody will be allowed to park here. Don "capo" Menace, director of auxiliary forces on campus told The Jumbler that all YSU personnel (except the highest officials) will be required to park 1 at Southern Park Mall and be transported, to. YSU by boxcar. We most definitely think this is Friday, April 1,1977 YOUNGSTOWN STATE UNIVERSITY Want to try the Third Page? by Mack Bronze Youngstown State University state, Alaska. He received his today announced the creation of, a new position on campus, Special Vice President in Charge of All the Loose Ends and Special Presidential Hatchet Man. Under taking the position will be former AJl-American tightend and head hot dog vendor at all away YSU field hockey games,. Dr. Harry Lubejob. Dr. Lubejob is a graduate of Wassammatta University in?Uo-._. degree from Pacific College at San Clemente, California and came to YSU in 1970. Lubejob began his. career at YSU in charge of Alumni Affairs, until the scandal of 73 when 3309 alumni were found to be having affairs with each others spouses. Lubejob resides at 0000 Squruewyu : Avenue, in Poland. :g;ii (Coat, from page 2) their ten-minute time limit. The seconded the motion himself and vejiIe4;S.yacl&rs jgn^ ( . ;, ,H;W , ;, ,^ ., and in seeming confusion, she The identities'of the attackers consulted with vice-chairperson is still unknown, but TheJumbler "Stubborn" Stick about the proper received a tip-off which indicated parliamentary procedure should Jonsey Geode, chairman of Major the brawl exceed the ten-minute Events and the Geology club as time period. their leader. When an attempt was At this time Pal Cinnimons made to locate Jonsey for ques- made a_ motion to adjourn the tioning he was reported to be meeting, and as most members "digging up dirt" in 'unknown seemed preoccuppied, Cinnimons places. _ by Patty Kake ? The YSU "Other Endless Argu ments" Committee (OEA) has endorsed some recent changes on provision's in the current contract. Usually reliable sources ex plained some of these changes in an exclusive Jumbler interview yesterday. One major change that received overwhelming support was that of student evaluation's of faculty members. In an effort to allow teachers to have more say in how they're evaluated, they now have the right to grade the evaluations, with the option to use them for up to 30% of the student's final grade. ?On the retirement issue, the OEA feels it has satisfied both young and not-so-young professors by enforcing a mandatory retire ment age of 35-and allowing a professor to be rehired after age 82. Dr. Dan O'Deal, OEA presi dent, stated, "We feel that by relieving YSU professors of-their duties for 47 years, there is ample time for them to rest and decide if they would,like to resume their, teaching, profession upon reaching the age of 82." Because of the demand by OEA members for a lighter teaching load, an agreed maxi mum number of .hours per quarter was set at 6. "With this practical teaching load," explained Joseph Say,, OEA vice-president, "the teacher may now either go home or posf more office hours for the benefit of the students. I am quite pleased about it. I know many faculty members who have wanted to put more time in at home." Next year's OEA dues have been increased to $900 per quarter, and all YSU faculty, member or non-member, will-be required^ to pay. According to J.D. Fairy, OEA treasurer, "The increase was necessary for several reasons. First of all, we will now (Con't on LAST PAGE!!!!) J photo by Ima Camera (Cont. from page 1) . "Ideally, this will stop the ambiguities and differences exist ing in findings being released from different places and, hope fully will straighten out the mess marijuana is in today." Reefer said. ' , "This is the first time marijuana samples for different projects around the world will come from a known geographical region, be processed by known proceedures and idstributed by a world body," said a,proud Pres ident. Chris. Cowfield,;head ,of the project drive here at YSU. The project will receive more than 4 million dollars by 1978. Jimmy Carter on the YSU Stadium "A combination of unwise and impractical rules and pro cedures, lack of effective management of funds, and in creasing financial cost has priced the poor and middle student out of the quest for the Stadium Complex. Now even the wealthy citizen and big business are finding the price of the stadium too high to pay. t ? ; ' "Thus we have the very poor, the very wealthy, and all oi us in between joined in one goal and purpose?to create usable Stadium Complex. We must examine and change our own internal concept of the stadium so that it serves all justly and at a price one can afford to pay. We t move boldly, quickly and with persistence until we reach' this goal." * Jimmy Carter In an address to the Youngs town State University Alumni Association Thursday, March 24,1977 ' xu response to the negative reaction to the city's present pigeon poisoning policy, Mayor Jock Sprinter announced Thurs day a new bigeon bussing program to replace the poison. . "We hope this will satisfy both the 'Save the Pigeon* people and those who keep yelling for a bussing program," said Sprinter. The new program is divided into two phases. The first phase deals with luring the city's pigeons into specially built cages by playing soothing and enticing music. The birds will be put into a trance when they hear such songs as "Bluebird of Happiness" "?ye- Bye Birdie" and "When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin' Along," and can easily be persuaded into the cages. Volunteers * led by Mark Fidrych will transport the cages to the surrounding areas in the second phase. "Boardman, Canfield and Po land have all expressed a desire to help with the program by wel-1 coming pigeons Jnto -their com munities " said Sprinter. "We are naturally pleased with their enthu siasm and have even made arrange ments to move The Man on the Monument to the Southern Park Mall so that the pigeons can more easily adapt to their new sur roundings." Sprinter is soliciting volunteers ? to transport the cages. Anyone v interested may contact, him or ? Fidrych at the Detroit Tigers Straining camp in Lakeland, Florida.! NISHED ADMISSION/DONATION:YOUR: QUARTERLY-TUITION AND PARKING SPACE GUEST OF HONOR:JOE QUARTERBACK Friday is G-String day, r will give FREE G-String to a lucky donor! LAST PAGE! 11! YOUNGSTOWN STATE UNIVERSITY Guess wiiat? K is Friday, April I, 1977!:.' PREGNANT? Contact; PREGGO UN LIMITED J ? IF YOU'VE GOT THE HOTS WE'VE GOT THE SHOTS PREGGO UNLIMITED 69 TROJAN LANE FEELGOOD'NEW JERSEY 69690 769-6969 THEY PLAY WITH POLES-The 1977 edition of the YSU Women's Pole vaulting team leads fee country in "scoring". Their next meet features "a round the world" shot at the Budweiser Ave. Men's dormitory on the campus of the Lei Institute of Technology. From left are, Candy Ass, Jr. Home Ec., Xaveria Hollander, Sdx Educ, Grad Student., Dariene Bowie, Frosh, Spaced out, Legs Snatch, Soph, Anatomy, Butch Groinahan, Sr. Mens Locker room. Baseball begins In looking over the 1977 YSU baseball schedule, this may just be the toughest campaign ever for head coach "Penguin Leader," now in his 58th year as the head honcho. Minus several players because of trades and transfers, coupled with a disastrous recruiting year, the first game is just a day away and he has yet to call practice, yet alone make a final cut. When asked the reason why, he responded,' "Well, uh, . . ." The above doesn't really worry our emotional coach for he feels last season's five mainstays will form a strong nucleus for the up coming season. The five, Bob Chopperman, Dave Derelecti, Mike "Hostile" Hostole, Rickee PhilU- banger and Mike Zalu, Zalu, Zalu, uh, "Z" return in hopes of giving "Penguin Leader" his 58th con secutive winning season, a feat not even the great coach Steve Gra phite of the University of Walla Walla Wallbangers has been able to match. Last year, Chopperman batted .646 in the locker room, .486 in batting practice, .333 in pepper games between innings and a hefty .228 in actual combat. He added, "I hope to improve on every average in this my last season IS under the Penguin Leader." with an 8 1/4 cap size, is the only man. to earn three, letters in his first three years of competition. He also has the best grade average on the team as he sports a pheno menal 5.16 while majoring in Locker Room, Funnies, He wears number 843 on his uniform and Penguin Leader's undie beneath that. As mentioned earlier, several players were lost to this year's squad due to various reasons. Second baseman "Gizzie" the Gizzard, was traded to Wilson High School, and, in return, coach Leader got to use the Derelecti and Hostole, just WUson ja2Z band during halftime back from Father Flanagan's Boys of the recent YSU-BeUarmine Town camp, return as co-captains, consolation game of the Great The tempermental Derelecti won Steel Mill Basketball play-offs, all four of YSU's games last year Shortstop Herman the Heli- and he's assured the Leader that copter was given his unconditional he'll do the same this year so he release because he expelled too can cut the rest of the candidates much gas and outfielder Pete and just keep him. It will be a lot "the bookie" Skunyak was simply easier to make out the score card lost. He still hasn't been found, when game time rolls around. The 1 traditional opener with Hostole, known to his peers TEEL College has been waived- as'Tnkie," also assures his coach this season so that YSU can open that he will be going all out in up with the Wichita Lineman, hopes of having a banner year. Other new faces that appear on "I plan on getting my sleep the this season's schedule are the night before a game so I can hit Boulder Dams, the Albuquerque better than the .496 I posted Turkeys, ChattanoogaChooChoos, last year," he stated. Last season, lima Beans and the Havana Cigars, his .496 was tops on the team. Since.all games will be played He also led the team in several in the new Vigordome Sports other offensive categories as he Complex, located behind the, Be socked 7 homeruns, 13 fans, 2 Glee Physical Education Center, .coaches and all five of his spring quarter professors. "I'm a real slugger " he noted. As for Phillibanger, he missed half of last season due to an injury, his report card, yet still managed to get two hits out of the 64 times he went to the plate. A gallant effort by the man thev call "Bombay Duck". "2", the headiest on the team many colleges outside the state are applying to be scheduled, for upcoming seasons. However* new athletic director, Billy Carter, has requested they fill out resumes and after all have been carefully read and analyzed, assistant direc tor Captain Kangaroo and ticket manager Dancing Bear will be in touch with those whom they feel can fill the schedule vacancy. :p: (Con't from Third Pagej . be able to hire 29 full-time secretaries to complete all the paper work for the OEA faculty members. Secondly, the admini stration has given us the student parking lot north of Kinckawiey for our purposes, and we plan to build a jailhouse for YSU faculty members who refuse to pay the fee, since we're tired of waiting for a court decision. Lastly, we; want to redecorate the second floor of Kinkawley into a huge faculty lounge. Aftefall, the stu dents have Softee's and a lounge, and the* teachers have nowhere to congregate." More information on these and other changes will ;be dis cussed in "full in the next issue" of the Sadvocate. APRIL, I want to make It known to the world that i'm yours. Your Fool. Not pregnant? t care. Call Jumbler office for Information. Hours are flexible depending on my mood. TO THE Bye, Bye HEAD COMPUTER? \1P YSU basketball star Jeff Coveralls recently be- ^came the first member, associated with our campus to have his namepermanent- ' ly inscribed in the^Guiness Book of World Records. , In the past four months, Jeffs name has been mentioned in the Jumbler an astonishing 17,897 times, uh make that 17,898 times, thus becoming the most recognized household name on campus. Vice-President Kosher Dill and Harry Lubejob, special assitaht to the president, are in sharp dis agreement about the existence of a written policy concerning alumni use of Be Glee. In a recent inter view, Veep Dill stated that no written policy existed. Dooby maintains such a policy does indeed exist and has letters to prove it. - This.-confusioh' betweeji an^m*. bers of the Administration has caused some observers to speculate , that these two top officials might be rehearsing for their roles in the sitcom, F Troop. F Troop is a western version of the Keystone Cops. In both comedies the main characterstic of the actors is their glaring- inability to clarify matters. The actors bumble and fumble and tumble about as they get them selves into and out of hilarious situations. The only difference ' between the characters on tele vision and those on campus is that the F Troop cast is acting. The characters in campus admini stration are. not. They really are confused; Lacking 'the benefit of a script and director, their ineptness remains without end. *1 I President Cow field and Staff member receive 50 year pins Now showing staked out behind the library.